Keep Your Hands in Your Pockets

“Finger gestures in three dimensions are the next big thing in controlling computers, or so we’re sadly told. The companies betting that we’ll want to manipulate everything electronic around us with a wave of a hand are already laying claim to various types of body movement.” –The Register, [www.theregister.co.uk/2013/04/17/gestures/]

So the race is on to gobble up all the common (and some not-so-common) human gestures? Is that it? Patent the ol’ “single-digit salute” to force a device reboot? Or patent the revered double-digit upthrust to force an immediate channel change? Is that the idea, Sparky?!

And I suppose that until the happy day that some corporate behometh liken to MirkleShaft is able to gobble up all of them patents, we mere humans’ll have to keep our grubby hands ‘n’ digits in our pockets lest even a simple reach to pick our left nostril will cause a laptop to wipe its drive~!

Well, I can betcha there’s a whole bunch of gestures the patent pigs haven’t gotten around to yet:

Mother tapping foot with arms crossed = instant shutdown, reboot, and initiate scandisk!

Wife’s eyeroll and head toss = wipe drive; power-down, wait for system re-install.

Daughter’s stare followed by eyeroll = reboot; comply with next command.

Son’s upflung hands followed by vigorous head-shaking = emulate blue screen of death; lock down hard drive. Run virus scan.

Owner’s finger alongside nose = blank screen; wipe browsing history.

Owner’s head-shake = go to next URL in bookmark file;

Owner’s head-nod = open that URL;

Owner’s eyeroll = delete URL listing in bookmark file;

Owner’s open-mouth with wide eyes = retain URL in secret bookmark file!

These are only a few that come to mind; surely there are more. El Reg suggested that the patent pigs also intend applying the gesture-bits to appliances such as refrigerators, dishwashers, washing machines, blenders, air conditioners, televisions, and cuckoo clocks.

One can hardly wait … (I’ve already applied to patent the ‘glass-tipping’ gesture to initiate a refill mechanism on one’s automated draft beer tap.)


Keep Your Hands in Your Pockets © Graybyrd 2015