Whither XP? Disgraced & Feared!

2016-05-18

Gone. Disgraced and feared.

And that’s quite amazing, with a moment’s thought. At one time, Windows XP was the flagship product of a proud software house, proclaiming that all important affairs of the globe were carried upon its able back; now, to mention that one has Windows XP resident on one’s drive and, worse yet, allowed to touch the internet… ! Why, that is to expose the sensitive frailties of our susceptible system to the rot and corruption of the loathsome underbelly of a corrupted, foul, and tainted excrescence best buried and forgotten! How DARE anyone cling to such a dangerous, befouled system of infectious malware, viruses, worm-ridden pestilence! Excise it, exorcise it, erase and eradicate it, destroy any trace of it, and never seek to raise it up again.

Windows XP! The scourge of safe and sensible computing!

Amazing, what a reversal of reputation! Of regard! Such powerful fear, uncertainty, and doubt!

And what was it that brought about such loathing? Why, simply that Microsoft chose to stop patching and mending all of XP’s faults, and instead transferred the blessing to Windows Vista!

Vista, now shunned as the failed step-child! Short-lived Vista, lame and halt from its birth.

Windows 7! Proud, shining, strong! Recipient of monthly blessings, patches upon its shining armor, healings of the continuing woundings from outrageous sling-stones of unconscionable attacks. Standing bruised but proud. Hail, Windows 7!

Alas! Comes Windows 8! Shining new face! Alas, the schizophrenia of neither tablet nor monitor, which is it? The bastard child of touch and tile, shunned from its birth. No ‘starter’ this ill-begotten child.

Ahh! Windows 8.1. There never really was an “8” you know. No, never, ’twas always “8.1” that graces our sales, fills the sails of the flagship line!

And it sank, unloved, unlauded, unheralded.

Whither is 9? Windows 9? “Nein” the cruel pranksters jibed. Silence. Nevermore the line of 7, 8, … 9?

Skip to 10! Online! Celestial Clouds of Security, Sensibility, Prosperity, and Ever-Connected Streaming Viability! Endless flow of patches and protections, updates and injections, never-ending blessings of viability, virility, and PROFITABILITY!

Hail Ten! Begone, accursed XP, begone with thee!

And when 7 support ends, the mantle of crepusculent shame falls upon it, degraded and foul creature laid upon the rotted corpse of XP. A sad end, undeserved, unearned, laid abandoned on the dung heap of unprofitability. We’ll not miss ye, degraded excrescence of the ever-advancing monster that created ye!


A Sample Post © Graybyrd 2015